I’ve been waiting for you. Trying to pick the exact words and thoughts I would use to point out how much I dislike you. You’ve been coasting through life, thinking it’s okay to write things like “imparticular” (which is actually the two words “in” and “particular”), “grammer” (which you can see correctly above and actually makes me laugh when I see it) and, ironically, “knowlege” (which I really shouldn’t have to explain, but it’s “knowleDge”). So, here we go, kids! It’s time for a little grammar and spelling lesson/make you feel bad about yourself-fest!
Odds are, if you’re reading this, we know each other somehow and went through the same type of school system. Seeing as that is the case, I shouldn’t be that much further (not farther) ahead of you, unless you’re a ruh-tard. I’m not going to go over everything. I can understand uncertainty in the use of commas, semi-colons and the like. What I am going to cover is the simplest of the simple. The things that, when I see them, kinda make me want to slap you in the face with a judge’s gavel. So, let’s just go ahead and start with one of the biggest culprits of all (to be followed by an equally bad counterpart…these are really “1” and “1a”):
Sound it out in YOUR head, if YOU’RE not sure. If the sentence YOU’RE trying to write contains a “you are”, then you definitely want to go with “YOU’RE”. If the sentence doesn’t say “you are”, then go ahead and knock yourself out with “YOUR”. There are only two versions of the word. As the picture says, IT IS NOT THAT FUCKING HARD! I can guarantee you’d spend more time thinking about what shoes to wear for night out, than figuring out which of these two words to use properly.
Next we have the “1a” of the grammar/spelling food chain. If the “You’re/Your” madness wasn’t bad enough, try throwing an extra version of the same pronunciation on the fire. That’s right. We now have THREE to sift through! OOoooOOOOOOooooooo!!! So, hold on to your butts because it’s time for:
So much to remember, right?! I mean “there” denotes a location, “their” is possessive and “they’re” is just smashing two words together! How am I supposed to remember all this? Who am I, Noah Webster (yeah, the dictionary guy)? No, obviously, you’re not. You’re not even one of the Merriam brothers (yeah, the other name on the dictionary). Luckily, you really don’t have to be. Watch this: “There is the car” (location), “That is their car” (possessive) and “They’re getting a car” (they are). It takes about as much thought as remembering to wipe your ass when you’re done taking a poo.
Let’s do one more. I’m not going to delve into the differences between “effect” and “affect”. I’m not even going to do “except” and “accept”. Those are relatively acceptable in the grand scheme. You know what isn’t acceptable? This:
I’m not even going to bother going more into it. I think the picture does an amazing job. The panda even shows what I’d like to do, when I see any of the things we’ve discussed here.
These next few pictures are fantastic. They’re cautionary tales, but mostly they’re just hilarious. Nowhere, and I mean NOWHERE, is spelling more important than when you’re holding a large sign in order to make a point.
You always want to point out someone else’s incompetnce by displaying plenty of your own competnce.
Because you honestly can’t expect me to teach them all that stuff AND how to not proofread their large protest signs!
Fun/frightening fact: This guy is allowed to freely roam the earth. Unfortunately, he is not Kenny Powers.
Remember kids; “I” before “E” except after “C”
If you look closely, you’ll see that we’ve come full circle. Miss Lady in Red should have read lesson one.
I can’t stress this enough. Spelling and grammar are important. You’re looked up to, when you have a command of the English language. ur loked @ lyke adummy wen u do shyt lik th!s. Obviously, the bad spelling is intentional in a case like that. However, I (and not just me) think you’re doing it because you couldn’t spell correctly, even if you wanted to (a.k.a. you’re not that bright). There is a major difference between a typo and a lack of intelligence. Take a good look at yourself. From which of those two categories do your mistakes come? Maybe your keyboard is sticky. Maybe you’ve got fat fingers. Maybe you just don’t type that well. BUT, if it’s not any of those things, do you really want to continue making the mistakes a 1st grader would correct you on? If you have kids, and they need your help in writing the simplest of sentences, don’t you want to know how? We all crave knowledge. It’s as basic and primitive as our sexual desires. Please, for everyone involved, go feed that craving.
Jeremy T. Bennett